The Not So Secret Diary of Nymphadora Tonks
by The Green Lady
Summary: The diary of 'Nutty Nymphadora'...Why does my hair look like a porcupine's bottom? Kill Victoria Penrose...Ow, brusied my arm. HORATIO!
1. I am a klutz

**Author's Note:** This is just a ramble for my own entertainment really of 14 year old, Nymphadora Tonks' not-so-secret diary. Mostly just funny episodes of her school year.

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**October 5th 1987**

Oh god how embarrassing. I was walking into the great hall when I tripped and fell. ON NOTHING. I went flying over my own feet and landed on the hard floor. Everyone was watching and laughing. I was so embarrassed, I pretended I had really sprained my ankle-I was acting like I was in pain and everything. Everyone was really concerned and now I'm in the hospital wing-Kit Wenlock, my best friend brought me my diary.

Shit-Madam Pomfery is coming.

**October 18th**

Ate too many chocolate frogs-transfiguration test tomorrow. Now I have a stomachache. I ate them to cure the dreaded cramps and now I'm cramping worse than I was before, but its from the chocolate this time. I haven't really studied either. I should have but when I was in class me and Kit were reading Witch Weekly and were trying to-

OMG! Horatio Starkey just walked by! AHHHHH! HE IS SO HOTT! He has light brown hair and bright blue eyes and his smile is so amazingly breathtaking. I wish he noticed me more often. He's in Ravenclaw and I'm only in one or two classes with him. The only time I can get away with staring at him is at Quidditch. He's a chaser and so therefore its not that suspicious if I'm caught staring at him through my binoculars. The drool is kindof obvious though…I'll have to work on that next time.

**October 31st HALLOWEEN!**

I painted my face orange and black today to get in the holiday spirit and got a detention from Professor McGonagall for dressing against school regulations. Stupid cow. I'd love to see her get spirited for something that for once was outside of school code.

I tried smashing pumpkins outside her office, but she came up behind me and so now I have double detention to serve.

**Novermber 3rd**

I hate this class

_What else is new?_

Hogsmeade weekend! I need to visit Zonko's

_Don't you have enough dungbombs_

Kit-one can never have enough dungbombs! DUNGBOMBS RULE!

_I suppose…_

Let's play tic-tac toe again!

No, I'm going to take notes…

If you do I'll never speak to you again.

Kit?

KIT,COME'ON!

Fine. Be that way. I'm not speaking to you….

I love Horatio Starkey…I love Horatio Starkey…HORATIO STARKEY AND NYMPHADORA TONKS 4 EVER!

Mrs. Horatio Starkey…

Mr. and Mrs. Starkey…

Mrs. Nymphadora Starkey… (why does Nymphadora always sound bad with any last name!)

Mrs. Starkey…

_Tonks-every girl in this school loves Horatio Starkey- this is not original._

Shut up and leave me to my day dreaming in peace.

_I'm just saying…_

Shut up.


	2. Porcupine's arse

**November 9th**

Woke up with my hair looking like a porcupine's arse. It was sticking straight up and would not lie flat despite the amount of hairspray me and Kit put into it.

Passed Victoria Penrose in the hallway who was kind enough to sneer and said "Nymphadora-there's an animal on your head." Causing all of her little minions to start shrieking hysterically.

To do list- KILL VICTORIA PENROSE!

On the bright side, Horatio noticed me today- he looked up from his porridge at breakfast over at Ravenclaw table and chocked on his spoon in surprise from my hair. His friend, had to hit him on the back a few times to get him breathing again.

So I was noticed by Horatio! Just…not in the way I was hoping.

It's a start nonetheless.

**November 14th**

There was a picture of a naked bloke in the library book. Me and Kit fell into silent giggles and unfortunately Madam Pince came right around the shelves to see me drawing comments on the margins of the book.

If she had it her way- I'd be expelled.

As it is-me and Kit have detention polishing the trophy room tonight.

**November 17th**

Was called "Nutty Nymphadora" three times today. "Tripping Tonks"…twice.

I hate school.

**November 21st**

Letter from my parents today…They want me to write back and tell them how school is going. Yeah right.

I put on more makeup today then usual…actually I don't really wear much at all… because we had double period with the Ravenclaws in potions.

When I finally reached the dungeons, my cheeks were so red they looked as if I had a fever and my eyes were bloodshot from having poked myself in the eye with the mascara wand.

The only time I ended up calling attention to myself in class was when my cauldron somehow lit on fire when I was staring at Horatio who was laughing at his friends across the room.

Kit kept tugging my sleeve for a minute and it was only when I finally snapped and said "What!" turning around to face her that I realized it was on fire.

Class was delayed for awhile and when we left the dungeons and my robes snagged on a suit of armor-jerking me backwards, much to the laughter of the surrounding crowd…I wondered just how painful it would be to throw myself off of the astronomy tower.

**November 30th**

I am going to try to study…I'm going to buckle down and work really hard at all my subjects. I'm in divination now and I'm going to really try and-

I think Arthur Whitehall is picking his nose on the other side of the classroom. UGH! That's disgusting! His knuckle is practically all the way up his nostril!

Gag. Gag. Gag.


	3. Stupid Fortuna

**December 2nd**

Wonder upon wonders! Oh Fortuna! Kit overheard Horatio and some of his friends talking in the library today! They were talking about girls and one of his friends asked Horatio would he rather go out with a girl with brown hair or red hair?

Horatio said he'd prefer going out with a red head! And so guess what that means?

I am summoning all my morphing powers into making myself the biggest red head of the school. Ah! Must go concentrate now!

**December 3rd**

It was a disaster. Complete and total disaster. I want to crawl under a rock and die.

I managed to turn myself into a red-head. A fiery, red head with hair down past her waist.

We had class with the Ravenclaws today and on my way out the door into the hallway, I saw Horatio standing nearby with his friends.

I stood up as tall as I could and flung back my shining red curtain of hair behind me.

I heard the door shut behind me and I took another good two steps forward before being jerked backwards.

I tried walking forward but found myself jerked backwards by my scalp.

At this point not only Horatio, but everyone in the hallway was staring at me as I tried to pull myself free. My long red curtain of hair had been shut in the door.

I tugged and tugged-ripping out half of my hair, leaving it stuck in the door and tore off down the hall past my amused classmates.

OhgoditwassoembarrasingIwanttodie! MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRRRRR….

**December 12th**

Bitten on the hand by a stupid plant in Herbeology. It hurts.

**December 14th**

ITS NOT FAIR! What's the point in being a metamorphous if all it does is bring you trouble? Most teens worry about waking up with a spot on their nose- I worry I might wake up without a nose or worse- a humongous, abnormal-sized nose. One day I woke up with a tomato size conk and wanted to cry because every time I tried to change it back to normal, it turned redder and redder-LIKE A TOMATO!

I'm afraid to even try anything to my chest, because if I do, it'll be my luck I wake up with balloon size baps the next morning.

**December 15th**

LOOK AT VICTORIA PENROSE!

_What about her?_

She's talking to HORATIO! It's not fair.

_It makes total sense-she is the most popular girl in the school and he's the most popular boy-they have something in common._

Okay- I know she did not just drop that quill by accident.

_Tonks…just drop it. Fuming does not become you at all. _

Why haven't they been caught? Now their passing notes! What does he see in her?

_We've gone over this a thousand times…_

DIE VICTORIA PENROSE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

_Don't say that-_

What are you sticking up for her now?

_No-_

She called your new hat a 'skinned keazle', the other day in Care for Magical Creatures…remember?

….

….

_DIE VICTORIA! DIE! DIE! DIE!_

Thank you!

DIE! _DIE!_ DIE! _DIE!_ DIE!

**December 16th**

Let loose a crate of mice in Divination for a laugh. One went up Professor Trelawney's dress. It was hilarious.

**December 17th**

Winter holidays coming up!

_You really ought to be taking notes right now. You just can't borrow mine whenever you want to_.

But that's why you're my friend Kit

_This is important information…and besides you love Defense Against the Dark Arts!_

I know but I can't concentrate right now…Christmas is coming and I'm going skiing with my family!

_Lucky…But what if this information comes in handy someday?_

You think I'm going to meet a werewolf anytime soon?

_You never know…_

Yeah, right.


	4. Smiling Hans

**December 20th**

Home now with my family. We leave tomorrow to go to the Alps for skiing. Dad is the only one who has been before so this ought to be interesting. Mum and Dad acting v. childish. Keep laughing and flirting with each other…Ew.

**December 22nd**

Skiing doesn't look that hard. I have my outfit picked out and everything….baby blue hat and mittens, a light coat and scarf with unfortunately some old snow pants that my Mum dug out from the depths of our basement. They look as if you could fill them up with hot air, they'd blow up like a balloon and carry you away. Hmmm…maybe I'll try that when we get back from our trip. Well, since Horatio isn't here-there's no need to bother myself about them.

Mum keeps saying I should have dressed more warmly. Ha. What does she know? I'm bringing a scarf and mittens…what more do I need?

**December 27th**

In Switzerland! V. pretty. Christmas was wonderful…I got some presents from my parents…but most of them are at home they said. We're going to have a sort of second Christmas when we get back from vacation.

**December 29th**

Skiing sucks. Oh how I hate it. I can barely walk on my own-let alone with two enormous ski's strapped to my feet. I managed to go down the beginner hill though…backwards.

It's also v. v. v. cold. Why didn't my mother pack me something warmer? All she can say is "I told you so, Dora."

Dad is not much better- he has these ridiculous goggles that he insists on wearing. I keep trying to ski on the opposite side of the slope so that no one will think we are remotely related.

On the bright side, I have found my soul mate! He runs the ski lift thingy and every time I see him, he smiles as me. He doesn't seem to notice my hideous snow pants. He has blonde hair and green eyes and he wears a red hat…His name is probably Hans or something.

Unfortunately one time when I was smiling back at him, I missed the chair and was almost knocked over by it- it kept going too, dragging me along-and I began screaming as I clung onto it, dangling a few feet above the ground.

Smiling Hans stopped the whole lift just for me and came out to help. He asked if I was alright and I said yes…

There was such a connection between us…I could feel it! One day I will join him and we will ski off into the sunset together…

Well he'll ski at any rate…I'll probably just run myself into a tree.

**December 30th**

Last day of skiing. Thank Merlin. I'm bruised and aching all over. I spilled hot chocolate on me today and nearly received 3rd degree burns. I wanted to say goodbye to Smiling Hans but unfortunately he was not there working at the ski lift. No matter- I will come back one day so that I can say, "Smiling Hans- I love you and I know that you love me…we are soul mates- come with me so we can spend the rest of our days happily together under the Swiss sun…"

Mum didn't like skiing v. much. She's almost as bruised as I am and her temper is quite short these days.

Poor Smiling Hans…all alone in this bleak, snowy land without me by his side…how will he ever cope?

**December 31st**

Heading home at last! Finally…I hated skiing…except Hans made the trip enjoyable.

My Father does not understand that. He asked me what I thought of the trip and I said it was wonderful…thinking of Hans of course. He got real excited about that and told Mum that maybe we should do it again next year.

She told him that she was planning next year's trip and it was going to be far, far, far away from skiing in the Swiss mountains.

_Authors note: The next few weeks are going to be v. hectic for me. Updates could take awhile for all stories…just thought I'd put that out so that nobody wonders what the hell became of me._ TFM


	5. Charlie

**January 6th**

Back at school again and saw Horatio in the hall-he is admittedly the most handsome man in the whole world (Smiling Hans exempted). I was staring at him as I passed by and walked right headfirst into the stone wall. Smooth.

**January 9th**

Enormous Astronomy essay tomorrow…I haven't even started it. It counts as an enormous percentage of our quarter grade.

I think I'll go play exploding snap and eat some more fizzing whizbees.

**January 16th**

Me and Charlie Weasley were partners today in Charms. I helped him with his Colour-changing spell- he seemed pretty grateful. He doesn't have the best Charms marks. He's quite funny actually. He told me some very amusing jokes and had me laughing a few times which surprised me because I always thought him as an obsessive Quidditch player whose mind was only on how to beat Slytherin on the pitch and not capable of having a quidditch free conversation with a fellow classmate.

Anyway…Kit fancies him.

**January 23rd**

I thought Filch was going to drag me down to the dungeons and rack me on one of his torture devices that he so loves. I kicked Miss Norris down the stairs today and she rolled down about 3 flights of stairs- spitting and shrieking in a ball of mangy fluff. Everyone was laughing until Filch came…then they suddenly disappeared.

If McGonagall didn't step in- I'd be dead. I have detention though, not that its any better.

**January 24th**

_I can't believe you think I fancy Charlie Weasley!_

Come'on Kit, it's so obvious that you do!

_I don't!_

You're blushing!

_It's hot in here_.

Kit-it's winter.

_Exactly…the cold and being indoors…and, all that-_

Give it up Kit- you LUVVVVVVVV HIM!

_Do not!_

Kit and Charlie sittin in a tree!

_That is so juvenile Tonks!_

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

_I don't fancy Charlie, and at least I'm not secretly pining away after a smiling Swiss ski attendant whose name you don't even know!_

….

…

I'm not talking to you any more.


	6. A Blonde Dragon

**January 29th **

Wonderful snowball fight outside the castle with all the Gryffindors- Kit almost ran into the Whomping willow though- and that made me laugh so hard I couldn't stop until she came and shoved snow down my shirt.

I tried to get it out the best I could while shrieking and yelping at the top of my lungs, making some of our fellow classmates who were watching start laughing. I tried to pull my coat off and it got stuck over my head. I wobbled about in the dark until I toppled into someone and fell ontop of them.

I finally pulled off my coat and found myself staring at Arthur Whitehall, well rather, more specifically Arthur Whitehall's enormous, cavernous nose where thousand so bats were hanging from the ceiling and walls.

He looked very confused when my screaming intensified and I ran off across the grounds with Kit laughing after me.

**February 2nd **

Valentine's Day is coming up soon! Maybe in the middle of dinner- Smiling Hans will burst through the heavy doors to the Great Hall, everyone will turn and fall silent- staring at the Swiss ski attendant with the sun shining brightly behind him. Then he will say loudly, "I love you Nymphadora Tonks! Ever since you left I have not been able to eat, or sleep! I will take you away from here if you say you love me too and we will ski away and be together for the rest of our lives!" Then I will leap up from my seat- run towards him and throw my arms around him and everyone will applaud as we kiss and then leave the Great Hall together with music accompaniment.

Or maybe it'll be like last year where me and Kit played a boring game of wizard chess in the corner of the common room and tried to study for Astronomy while eating pumpkin pasties with a gloomy gluttonous passion. Sadly, this year does not promise to be any different from that of last.

**February 5th**

I had to serve detention today for setting off dungbombs in the dungeons- Professor Snape made me scrub out all the old, slimy barrels used to preserve specimens without any magic! He's such an arseface. I wonder if anybody ever sent him a Valentine's Day card- he's in sore need of one I think. Take a shower for Merlin's sake- and get a nose job while you're at it. It's so abnormally large…

**February 7th **

Me and Kit were talking about soul mates today- I know I have one out there- his name is Smiling Hans…or Horatio Starkey…hm. Or maybe he's a combination of the both somehow…I like to think he'll be tall, broad shouldered, man. He'll have bright colored hair- most likely spiked or Mohawk style- he'll have plenty of piercings and tattoos and he'll probably have a motorbike or something. He'll wear a studded leather jacket and have dragon skin boots-

Alright- so I can dream can't I? I'm sure he's out there somewhere….he'll like to party and have a good time- he'll be loud and funny…and just like me, he will live life on the wild side!

I like to think he'll be older than me too- like just one or two years older. Older men can be very good-looking and they aren't as creepy as our fellow spotty faced peers.

Kit says she thinks her soul mate will be funny, play quidditch and have red hair and will be on the short and stocky side. He'll be tough but have a soft spot for caring for animals and things like that….Wotcher, Charlie Weasley….

**February 10th**

FOUR DAYS TILL V-DAY!!!!! I think I'm going to send an anonymous love note to Horatio! I've been working on it non-stop, it's a card that says "Happy Valentine's Day" on the front with a big lacey, smiley faced heart and inside its blank. I'm writing a poem for it.

_'Dragons are red-_

_Grindylows are blue-_

_You top them all_

_Because you're so cute!_

_Love,_

_Your very secret, passionate admirer!'_

Kit tells me its rather bad but what does she know? She's writing a long sappy anonymous novel to Charlie…at least mine is short- and to the point. It was very difficult to find a word that rhymed with 'drop dead gorgeous sex god'. The only words that rhyme with that are pod…cod…sod….none of which really fit within context.

**Febrary 11th**

Major row with Victoria Penrose today. She makes me sick. Her cruelty is like a dragons'…

Today she made Imogene Harkwood cry because as she pushed past her to get into class, she said in a loud voice: "Careful going into class today Imogene- you almost rolled Owen over last week."

Imogene Harkwood, a large bulky girl who was easily upset over nearly everything, already had tears streaming down her face at these cutting words. "Oh, look! The whale is going to drown us now!" Victoria laughed.

I pushed my way through the crowd up to the front and said loudly, "At least Imogene can walk Victoria, the way you wobble down the hall in those shoes one would think you were a crippled flamingo."

"And you'd know all about wobbling, wouldn't you 'Tripping Tonks'?" she retorted. Her worshipping little minions all fell over laughing so hard I thought their lungs were going to come flying out of their mouths.

I stood there trying to come up with a good reply to this.

Victoria smirked nastily. "And even if I fall over- at least I still have a nice face when I get back up. Your banana size ears the other day were quite interesting."

The minions started laughing harder than ever as Victoria brought up the banana ears incident. Kit was nearby now, hiding her blushing face behind her stack of books. She hated confrontations. "Just drop it Tonks, please-" she whispered.

Victoria flipped back her perfect blonde hair-"I'm sure with ears those size you could hear Imogene coming a few miles off- but now that I think about it- you don't need ears that size to hear her."

"Lucky for us we all don't have to have enormous bug sized eyes to see that you still stuff your bra!" I snapped.

I had hit a major nerve apparently. Victoria's face froze, and turned to cold ice as the crowd oooohed and gasped. "I don't have to stuff my bra- unlike SOME people." She said pointedly.

I smiled. "I really wouldn't want to be knocked out by a bunch of tissues on my chest and knowing you Victoria, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a whole box of tissues down there."

"You're such a little bitch!" she snarled.

"Takes one to know one."

She was glaring at me with utmost loathing- I had a feeling that any second- this was going to turn into an enormous catfight. By the way, catfights are much more dangerous than any magic duel- I don't care what anybody says…Kit seemed to be thinking along the same lines I was from the way she was desperately tugging on my robes.

"You think you're so clever Tonks, when really you're nothing but a freaky clown girl who thinks it's funny to grow an extra nose out of her forehead. Do you think I care about your pathetic abnormalities? Here's a tip, why don't you get a clue about why no boys are or will be interested in you, grow up, stop sprouting weird noses and try to focus on creating a pair of feet that you won't trip over all the time?"

Oh, I was furious then. I had been angry before- but now I was fuming. "Here's an idea-" I said loudly, "Why don't you apologize to Imogene for making her cry and offer her a tissue from your oversized chest?"

Victoria opened her mouth- her eyes carrying an almost homicidal gleam, when suddenly-

"What's going on here?" said a loud, familiar voice. We all turned to see Charlie's older brother- Bill Weasley the Gryffindor Prefect striding down the hall. Everyone parted back respectfully. Bill was the epitome of coolness. He made Horatio look like a drooling two year old.

Well, to most people that is. To me, Horatio still would be the god of cool... drool and all.

"Nymphadora was insulting me."

"Victoria made Imogene cry."

"She's being a….little…freak." Victoria spat through gritted teeth- whoa, when she was mad- she didn't so sleek and posh as she usually did.

"Victoria thinks she's hott because she still stuffs her bra."

Bill raised an eyebrow at this and he stared at us both- probably trying hard to avoid glancing at Victoria's chest to see if my anatomical knowledge was correct. " Right… I see…Now hear me out, both of you- no rows in the corridors. I'd technically have to take 5 points from both of your houses for arguing like this, so you should be grateful I'm going to let you two of the hook today, and I won't report any of this. "

"Yeah- okay." I said. Being in trouble wasn't anything new to me.

"Really." said Bill giving me a look. "Next time I'm reporting you."

He probably would. Bill was nice- but fair.

After making sure me and Victoria weren't likely to kill each other after he left- the crowd slowly dissolved. Victoria flipped back her blonde hair again, regained her composure and after giving me a look of utter evil…left with her little minions who had been glaring at me the entire time. They shot me murderous glances over their shoulders as they ran along side their master, comforting her in soothing, hurried voices.

Imogene who had been standing by this entire time, was still blubbering. I told her everything was going to be alright and Victoria was a rat-faced doxy-dropping, and she shouldn't listen to anything she says. Kit gave her a chocolate frog to cheer her up, and upon seeing it, Imogene sobbed harder than- in the end, we left her to her nearby friend with rather large front teeth and me and Kit left feeling victorious.

**February 12th **

How horrible. I thought I had dirt on my nose when I stared at myself in the girl's bathroom mirror and upon examining it more closely realized it was a field of blackheads! I turned on the hot water and stuck my head under the faucet to desperately rectify the situation- I suffered the terrible hot fizzy water sensation up my nose- that's the worst feeling in the world by the way- having bubbly hot water go steaming up your nose. I've never been so grossed out in all my life though….ugh. I am going to wash my face again, hopefully without the water up the nose sensation…

**Febraury 13th THE DAY BEFORE OUR DOOM!!!!!!**

I hate birds. I really do. I hate the way they move, and the way they stare at you…they are my worst fear ever! We had to go to the owlery today to send off our letters-I hid behind my shield…Kit, and made her touch the bird. She kept rolling her eyes and reminded me how it was a childish and stupid fear while I watched the feathery terrors that were eyeing me in all directions. As I handed her my letter to Horatio so that she could tie it on for me, an owl up above crapped and it landed right on my arm. Kit fell into a fit of laughter as I screamed at her to hurry up, while still clinging at her robes. I was too frightened by all the nearby birds that were staring at us to care at the moment. Kit sent off her letter for Charlie as well as mine, and the bird nearly crashed as she gently threw him out the window with the encyclopedic size love note tied to his feet.

I am still appalled that that filthy bird crapped on me. I have been scrubbing away at the spot non-stop….that is soooooooo disgusting….

Valentine's Day tomorrow! Oh god….what will happen!?!??!

My arm still smells…ew.


	7. V day

_Author's note: I apologize to everyone that I didn't get back to this sooner- I forgot that I had left you all hanging...must work on that in the future. Well, here it is, 'V-day' , the one you've all been waiting for...Poor Tonks, eh?_

**February 14th -The Day of Eternal Sadness, Shame and Broken Hearts**

Antheia Marsheddle, the Hufflepuff prefect- is knocking on the broom cupboard door telling me I must come out. I won't. I'm never coming out. I don't care if I rot here until I die. I AM GOING TO DIEEEEEEE-WHY HAVEN'T I DIED YET?!?!

Let me put it this way in case you haven't figured it out yet- today was a DIASASTER.

So here's what happened….

I woke up to find myself bald. That's right, you heard me correctly- BALD. Bald as a baby on all sides, bald as an egg, bald as Winston Churchill…

I knew something terrible like that was going to happen. So anyways, in my panic I managed in 30 minutes to grow out my hair to grow into a short bob. The fringe went all wonky though and Kit lent me some clips to hold it back.

We went down to breakfast- where it was already quite crowded. The morning post hadn't come yet though- me and Kit picked at our food and exchanged nervous glances.

And then they came- all the owls swooping about dropping off parcels, letters and nasty pink carnations which seemed to be popular this year.

We had instructed our owls to wait until breakfast like everyone else had told their's so that we could see the reactions of Horatio and Charlie.

Poor Charlie, the love book from Kit landed right in his morning porridge and sent it spilling everywhere. He looked rather perplexed- as if he had never seen a pack of love letters before.

Horatio received about a hundred notes and cards from admirers- I could see my big lacy one near the middle and kept darting glances over to the Ravenclaw table to see if he had read it yet.

I was halfway through my toast when I glanced over again and chocked-

HE WAS READING MINE!

I watched as he opened it up and read the inside. His eyebrow went up and he let out a small laugh. Barely a syllable long but it managed to make him laugh! OMG….Hm. Now that I think about it- I wonder if that was a good or bad thing…

Charlie was still reading his letter from Kit with a slight frown on his face- probably wondering why it wasn't outlined like a Quidditch diagram. Probably would have been much simpler and easier for him to understand that way. Typical boy.

Suddenly an owl dropped itself in front of me and landed me with a bright pink, foul smelling, carnation.

Me and Kit stared at each other. I looked around for a name on it but the only thing written on the small card was "To: Nymphadora Tonks…Happy Valentine's Day…From? "

"Who sent it?!?!" Kit asked after reading the card.

I was so embarrassed I shoved the carnation deep into my school bag where it unfortunately got decapitated by the zipper.

Victoria Penrose had seven carnations- I counted- two boxes of chocolate, and quite a few cards. She, like many other girls wouldn't put their gifts in their dorm but rather strutted about the halls with them- which is really quite obnoxious and unnecessary.

People really do get stupid on Valentine's day. I saw a 7th year give his girlfriend a caged dove- gag. If I had a boyfriend and if gave me a caged bird- I'd hex him. Who on earth wants a smelly BIRD on Valentine's Day? Plus you'd need to buy it food, and clean up after it and…

Ugh, alright- moving on. Besides all the show-offey couples in the hallways holding hands and such- and the obnoxious girls who went around with their flowers and such- it was a perfectly normal day…

UNTIL DINNER….

I had just stood up after dinner to head up to the dormitory and was walking out of the Great Hall when I chanced one last glance at the Ravenclaw table. Horatio Starkey was looking at ME. He was mouthing the words- 'Hold on a minute'

For one blissfully happy moment as I saw him stand up as well and I thought with a pounding heart- 'Horatio has sent me the carnation. Horatio knows I sent him the card- he knows I love him and he loves me and now he is coming over to declare his undying love for me.'

Horatio walked across the hall and came walking over to where I was standing. Closer…and closer…he was defiantly coming for me….I smiled and then suddenly-

He walked right by me- he was so close, his robes had even grazed mine- I turned and saw….

None other than Victoria Penrose who was smirking as Horatio came walking up to her and kissed her.

I don't really remember what happened after that. I think I walked as smoothly as I could out of the Great Hall- I don't think Horatio or Victoria really noticed me- and headed, absolutely miserable up the stairs and down the corridor.

Suddenly there was a voice right behind me- "Nymphadora-"

I turned to see Arthur Whitehall coming up behind me, rubbing his large nose with his hand.

"Oh." I said. "Hullo Arthur-" I turned to go when suddenly his voice caught me again.

He managed to stop rubbing his nose only to ask- "Did you guess that I sent you the carnation?"

I must have looked like I had had cold water poured right over me. I was FLABBERGASTED (I love that word by the way) "Uh, I-" It was all I was able to come up with at the time, too horrified and stunned to say anything else.

And then- without any warning whatsoever- Arthur Whitehall leaned forward and kissed me- not a little peck on the cheek either- but a full out seconds-long snog with his wet tongue in my mouth.

His eyes were shut- mine were open still from shock- and all I could see were those large bogey-filled nostrils inches away from my face. The kiss as far as that went was downright awkward and weird- and moreover it was Arthur Whitehall who was kissing me.

I feel bad for him- I really do, I know it can't be easy having enormous bogeys in your nose-but a tissue would go a long way.

Then he finally pulled away- (much to my relief) and said an awkward 'goodnight' before quickly heading back down the corridor the opposite way.

I stood there, unable to move or act when suddenly there was shrill giggle behind me. I turned to see Daphne Williams, Victoria Penrose's loyal second in command standing at the top of the stairs- obviously having seen the whole thing.

"Awwwww, how sweet!" she simpered. "Tonks and Arthur!!!!"

Then she ran back down the stairs- to go tell the whole school I suppose while I sprinted back to the dormitory-

But even then- no luck- right before I turned the corner to get into the dorm I collided straight on into burly, Charlie Weasley.

"Tonks!" he exclaimed. "Are you alright?"

I had stumbled backwards and nearly collided into the stone wall. "Oh hi Charlie, yeah- I'm fine thanks-"

I had just straightened myself and was walking past him when he said my name again,

"Er- Tonks?"

I turned to see Charlie looking very confused and interestingly enough, he was blushing. His face the same colour as his fiery red hair.

"Yeah?"

"I…uh…"

"What's up Charlie?"

"I ummm…read your letter-"

"My letter?"

He looked terribly uncomfortable, "You know, er-" and he pulled Kit's letter from his pocket. "The letter you sent me, and I just wanted to say-"

I opened my mouth to tell him the truth, or part of it rather, but suddenly-

"CHARLIE!" We turned to see half of the Gryffindor quidditch team coming out of the portrait to the common room. "We've been looking all over for you!"

I took this as my cue to RUN up to the dormitory where I threw myself on my bed- utterly confused and upset.

"What's wrong?" Kit asked coming in shortly behind me. "I was waiting for you downstairs but you ran upstairs so fast-"

"My life is OVER!" I wailed.

I explained everything to Kit and she was so kind and understanding until I reached the part about Charlie.

"What do you mean he thinks it was you?!?!?" she exclaimed.

"Kit- I just told you! It's not my fault!"

"Why didn't you tell him it was me?!?!"

"You told me you didn't want him to know!"

"But now he thinks YOU like him!" Kit cried.

"I know!"

"Tonks!" Kit cried, her eyes filling with tears. "How could you do this?"

"MY HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN!" I sobbed.

"SO HAS MINE!"

We bitched back and forth for some time until Kit flung herself onto her bed and wouldn't talk to me at all despite my pleading.

So I left- I went downstairs again, out of the common room and hid in a broom cupboard which thankfully enough was empty (I wasn't sure it was going to be with all those cozy couples that were joined at the hip today).

**So here's why Valentine's Day was so bad-**

1. Horatio does not love me.

2. I have been kissed by Arthur Whitehall...

3. …and now the whole school knows.

4. Charlie thinks I love him.

5. My best friend Kit is now furious and won't talk to me.

6. Victoria Penrose received 7 carnations and other objects of affection…

7. …which were most likely from Horatio.

8. My hair which earlier refused to grow at all has just recently sprouted down to my ankles.

**But with any luck**, I can now spare myself all the misery and pain I'm suffering from and just die from either-

1. A broken heart

2. Total humiliation

3. My super long hair that could very well strangle me.


End file.
